I joined the Edmonds United Methodist Church for worship this morning, where my friend Ann is serving as a pastor. Watching from my computer screen, as I had a hearty breakfast (of hash browns, turkey bacon, spinach and eggs, and strong black tea), I recognized that this was perhaps a new (pandemic-induced) experience for many Christians today, but that I was used to it. As someone who has been sensitive to the toxicity of many churches for a few years now, "self-quarantining" and "social-distancing" on Sundays has been my new normal.
A few years ago, I decided to boycott churches who did not have women or people of color in visible places of leadership. ("Then why do you choose a white male as your therapist?" a friend asked. Because sitting under the preaching of a white male who is senior pastor is a very different thing from having a white male listen to my problems, and support but not give me advice. I will support any white male who takes on a humble and private position of listening, rather than taking the spotlight and talking! ). To me, churches should not reinforce power structures that already exist in society. Jesus' ministry was all about elevating the lowest in our world. He did not choose the Pharisees (who already had financial and political power, compared to most Jews) to build his church. He chose Peter, a poor fisherman.
I also took issue with churches and communities that used exclusively male language for God. The theological/academic community already knows not to do this, and any paper that uses "He, Him, His" for God is automatically problematized. Churches, as studies show, are usually 20 years behind where the Academy is, so most communities still assume God is male. Those who have studied both Scripture and church history in depth know there is a place for God as Mother, in addition to God the Father--but the patriarchy that is woven into most of our churches feels uncomfortable with (and frankly, intimidated by) this. Just this week, both my class in seminary and my online small group are studying Julian of Norwich, and even back in the 14th century, the Mother Nature of God was being written about by devout Christians.
In Boston, I visited 12 churches in 24 months. I found one church that met my criteria. Perhaps it was not a healthy approach to pre-determine what I was looking for, rather than allowing myself to be "led." However, given that walking into most churches gave me severe anxiety (and nausea in my stomach), it was a self-protective measure, if anything else.
This also meant that I started joining various churches on Livestream on Sundays, rather than physically going out. Increasingly, and especially upon moving back to California, I turned to Contemplative sources from ancient Christians to feed my soul. I was done with churches that were run like businesses, and who were more invested in organizational numbers and programming than people's actual spiritual-emotional health.
To me, so much of American church culture runs counter to the Gospel of Jesus, which He gave his life for and which people have been martyred for. Jesus came to heal individuals on holistic levels, not to increase church attendance. He came to incarnate God's love--"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly" (John 10:10 ESV)--not to sell tickets to Heaven. Why are Evangelicals so focused on "saving" people but not actually being the heart and hands of Christ, to a broken world? How could so many Christians have voted for Trump, a man who showed extreme racism and misogyny, and definitely not a "preferential treatment for the poor"?
As a helping professional and educator, many of the colleagues I have respected the most have been spiritual-but-not-religious. Unfortunately, some of the colleagues I have seen model the most harmful behavior have been religious-but-not-spiritual. This has been the case for the last decade, but until I went to seminary, I tried to ignore what I was observing, because to truly see the trend was to acknowledge that there is something deeply wrong with Christian culture in America.
Similarly, I have always been uncomfortable with the American Evangelical church's emphasis on "saving" people but not truly committing to what Jesus preached about, from Isaiah 61. If Christians are truly committed to the Gospel, then they must take seriously how Jesus ministered during his time on earth. He touched people, he violated social norms, he hung out with outcasts, he verbally (and physically) attacked those in religious power--the John Pipers of our current day, he addressed people's trauma and life stories, and he healed and listened and wept.
Religion without spirituality is, in my opinion, much like what the Pharisees represented in Jesus' day. Church attendance in America is in decline, and rather than repenting of their sins and being willing to change, so many religious institutions point the finger at those who have "backslidden." Some of my friends who have left the church are the most honest people I know. They have integrity, and they have paid a price for questioning the things that don't ring true for them.
I have increasingly seen my role to be that of a Friend. To those who have left the church but still seek spiritual sustenance. (Often, churches stop maintaining contact with people once they have left. Definitely the opposite of Jesus' story of the Shepherd who left the 99 sheep for the 1!). To those who pastor churches from "social locations" that represent the margins--my queer, female, and minority friends whose legitimacy and leadership are often questioned by the narrow-minded.
Too, I am convinced that my calling is to be a Chaplain. In Divinity School, friends often asked why I was not pursuing the M.Div degree. Those friends are mostly pastors today. I do not believe my primary gifting lies in leading congregations. But I do feel invested in caring for the hearts and minds of those who are in those positions. If I can be a chaplain to the pastors, and minister to the unchurched, then my heart will be full.
My friend Ann is both a person of color and a woman. She is a young woman, not yet 30. The last time I physically went to a church service was when I visited hers, last month in Seattle. I was glad to join her church service online this morning. It gives me hope that there is a new generation of leaders willing to fight, with Love, for what Jesus would have deemed important.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Lord of the Sabbath
On a day when panic about the coronavirus is sweeping the U.S.--and many of my pastor-friends are live-streaming their services--I am reflecting on the Sabbath when Jesus and his disciples walked through the grain fields.
Were they doing so after church? Instead of church? In any case, they did not make the Pharisees (the pastors of their day) happy by doing so.
Church, back in Jesus' time, was the Jewish Temple, of course. And Jesus did attend---sometimes. One time in the Synagogue, he stood up to read a passage from Isaiah 61: "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the bling, to set the oppressed free" (Luke 4:18, NIV).
I am grateful for my weekly online Zoom group, which follows in the tradition of early Christian communities who moved to the desert after churches became entwined with political power, in the days of Constantine. These "contemplatives" lived simply and fought against the busyness, materialism, and achievement-oriented society of the Roman Empire.
Schools are also shutting down, and my friends who are parents worry about what to do with their kids all day.
I grew up not going to school. Each day, starting from five years old, I read Scripture first. Often, my dad would pre-write a mini-devotional to go along with whatever passage I read that day. Then, I would join my family for breakfast, after which my dad would lead a Bible study.
Homeschooling allowed us to grow in faith together as a family, and to pray together every night. We were sheltered from the "world" for the sake of our Christian values. I knew God personally from a young age, and saw prayer requests answered.
The first was asking for a dog. I prayed every night for a whole year. At the end of the year, we went back to Taiwan for my dad's sabbatical, and who should greet us at the airport by my uncle, who is a vet, with a dog for me!
The second was asking for a bike. I prayed for a few weeks, and then a family friend gave me a hand-me-down!
My parents rarely bought us toys. We played with what we had or with what others gave us. We had conversations rather than watching TV. We read books and listened to books on tape.
Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life has always been my rock. Our family attended 6 different churches by the time I was in college. At each church, my parents were active participants and even leaders, and learned as much as they could from that particular denomination. Then, something would happen that would "lead" them to a new church, after about 3 years.
I learned not to rely upon Sundays for a sense of spirituality. That happened on a daily basis. A.W. Tozer, one of my favorite devotional writers in college, along with Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest), wrote about how 40 pianos tuned to the same tuning fork are automatically in tune with one another, in The Pursuit of God. That is how I see fellowship. It flows out of, rather than replaces, our attunement with God.
My current Contemplative small group talks often about the concept, Solus Jesus. Jesus--and a relationship with Jesus--is the foundation for our faith. Martin Luther, who shaped Protestant Christianity, was a proponent of Sola Scriptura, in reaction to the Catholic Church. But the way Western Christianity has interpreted and used Scripture has been problematic at times.
Many of the tenets of Evangelicalism are not necessarily what early Christians preached. The idea of being "saved" is an American one, which came out of the Great Awakenings spawned by Methodist preachers. I agree that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. But I have also seen (and the practical theologian in me is concerned) how American Christians fail to grow in depth and maturity and intimacy with God once they have entered the "fold." Somehow, it's as if believing the right things will take care of anxiety, relationships, etc.
In chaplaincy and spiritual care, we try to avoid "spiritual bypassing"--when patients and clients don't process their feelings, and "jump" straight to using their religious beliefs as a crutch rather than an actual resource for dealing with them. By practicing non-anxious presence, active listening, and engaging in pointed questions, we hope for those we accompany to internalize actual ways of changing their emotional reactions, their neurological patterns, and unhealthy belief systems (in my academic field, we call this "embedded theology").
Jesus came to heal us and set us free from our problematic coping mechanisms. (If David was the first Music Therapist--my first vocation at the start of becoming a helping professional--then to me, Jesus was the first chaplain. Like chaplains, he spent most of his time going to visit the sick. Like chaplains, he mostly listened. Like chaplains, his ministry was "out in the world"--rather inside the walls of the church. Like chaplains, he trained others chaplains in a "cohort"--his 12 disciples.
To me, chaplaincy is the kind of ministry that most closely aligns with the Good News. Jesus came to set the captives free, to minister to people's physical and emotional disorders. Jesus came to touch and transform lives, not to get people to believe the right thing in order to be "saved." The kingdom of God was brought to the earth by Jesus, and at the same time, we are still awaiting its fulfillment.
The Gospel spreads like a mustard seed. Truth is a person, not a belief system. And the Spirit--the Comforter that Jesus gave us after he ascended to heaven--makes all things new, and asks us to be flexible with our theology. Speaking in tongues, modifying views on circumcision, and other revelations from God all happened with openness to the Holy Spirit.
What are the legalistic religions of today, and who are the Pharisees? What would Jesus do, and where is the Spirit leading? Where is freedom (emotional and mental freedom) needed the most? These are questions I ask myself on a daily basis, or at least try to. I'm still learning to be led...
...but on this historic Sabbath in U.S. history, I am grateful that staying home is something that feels right, familiar, safe, and life-giving to me. Thanks be to God!
Were they doing so after church? Instead of church? In any case, they did not make the Pharisees (the pastors of their day) happy by doing so.
Church, back in Jesus' time, was the Jewish Temple, of course. And Jesus did attend---sometimes. One time in the Synagogue, he stood up to read a passage from Isaiah 61: "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the bling, to set the oppressed free" (Luke 4:18, NIV).
I am grateful for my weekly online Zoom group, which follows in the tradition of early Christian communities who moved to the desert after churches became entwined with political power, in the days of Constantine. These "contemplatives" lived simply and fought against the busyness, materialism, and achievement-oriented society of the Roman Empire.
Schools are also shutting down, and my friends who are parents worry about what to do with their kids all day.
I grew up not going to school. Each day, starting from five years old, I read Scripture first. Often, my dad would pre-write a mini-devotional to go along with whatever passage I read that day. Then, I would join my family for breakfast, after which my dad would lead a Bible study.
Homeschooling allowed us to grow in faith together as a family, and to pray together every night. We were sheltered from the "world" for the sake of our Christian values. I knew God personally from a young age, and saw prayer requests answered.
The first was asking for a dog. I prayed every night for a whole year. At the end of the year, we went back to Taiwan for my dad's sabbatical, and who should greet us at the airport by my uncle, who is a vet, with a dog for me!
The second was asking for a bike. I prayed for a few weeks, and then a family friend gave me a hand-me-down!
My parents rarely bought us toys. We played with what we had or with what others gave us. We had conversations rather than watching TV. We read books and listened to books on tape.
Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life has always been my rock. Our family attended 6 different churches by the time I was in college. At each church, my parents were active participants and even leaders, and learned as much as they could from that particular denomination. Then, something would happen that would "lead" them to a new church, after about 3 years.
I learned not to rely upon Sundays for a sense of spirituality. That happened on a daily basis. A.W. Tozer, one of my favorite devotional writers in college, along with Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest), wrote about how 40 pianos tuned to the same tuning fork are automatically in tune with one another, in The Pursuit of God. That is how I see fellowship. It flows out of, rather than replaces, our attunement with God.
My current Contemplative small group talks often about the concept, Solus Jesus. Jesus--and a relationship with Jesus--is the foundation for our faith. Martin Luther, who shaped Protestant Christianity, was a proponent of Sola Scriptura, in reaction to the Catholic Church. But the way Western Christianity has interpreted and used Scripture has been problematic at times.
Many of the tenets of Evangelicalism are not necessarily what early Christians preached. The idea of being "saved" is an American one, which came out of the Great Awakenings spawned by Methodist preachers. I agree that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. But I have also seen (and the practical theologian in me is concerned) how American Christians fail to grow in depth and maturity and intimacy with God once they have entered the "fold." Somehow, it's as if believing the right things will take care of anxiety, relationships, etc.
In chaplaincy and spiritual care, we try to avoid "spiritual bypassing"--when patients and clients don't process their feelings, and "jump" straight to using their religious beliefs as a crutch rather than an actual resource for dealing with them. By practicing non-anxious presence, active listening, and engaging in pointed questions, we hope for those we accompany to internalize actual ways of changing their emotional reactions, their neurological patterns, and unhealthy belief systems (in my academic field, we call this "embedded theology").
Jesus came to heal us and set us free from our problematic coping mechanisms. (If David was the first Music Therapist--my first vocation at the start of becoming a helping professional--then to me, Jesus was the first chaplain. Like chaplains, he spent most of his time going to visit the sick. Like chaplains, he mostly listened. Like chaplains, his ministry was "out in the world"--rather inside the walls of the church. Like chaplains, he trained others chaplains in a "cohort"--his 12 disciples.
To me, chaplaincy is the kind of ministry that most closely aligns with the Good News. Jesus came to set the captives free, to minister to people's physical and emotional disorders. Jesus came to touch and transform lives, not to get people to believe the right thing in order to be "saved." The kingdom of God was brought to the earth by Jesus, and at the same time, we are still awaiting its fulfillment.
The Gospel spreads like a mustard seed. Truth is a person, not a belief system. And the Spirit--the Comforter that Jesus gave us after he ascended to heaven--makes all things new, and asks us to be flexible with our theology. Speaking in tongues, modifying views on circumcision, and other revelations from God all happened with openness to the Holy Spirit.
What are the legalistic religions of today, and who are the Pharisees? What would Jesus do, and where is the Spirit leading? Where is freedom (emotional and mental freedom) needed the most? These are questions I ask myself on a daily basis, or at least try to. I'm still learning to be led...
...but on this historic Sabbath in U.S. history, I am grateful that staying home is something that feels right, familiar, safe, and life-giving to me. Thanks be to God!
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