A Snob

I am a snob.  A condolences snob.

It occurs to me that perhaps some people find it good to feel that others understand what they are going through during a time of loss.  "I know how you feel...I've been there before..." or, "This reminds me of the time I, similar to you, had this kind of experience."  Perhaps there is a sense of solidarity in knowing that the comforter has gone through something similar.

I'm not that kind of person.

I believe that one can never fully understand what another person is going through.  Anyone who has ever read anything about bereavement knows that when someone else is going through something excruciating and difficult, there are no words you can offer.  Just sit there and listen.

During the difficult times in my life, only a few friends have known how to be an empathetic presence. They have acknowledged that my situation is unique to me, and have sought to understand ways in which my losses are particular to my person.  I am forever grateful to those friends!

A Rant

When I'm tired I rant, and I'm feeling chronically exhausted these days.

So, some thoughts:

The church tends to favor:

Males
Married
Musicians

I'm not male, I'm not married, and I don't like to market myself as a musician.  I've always felt like an outsider to church leadership, even though I've always known that my spiritual life is much stronger than many in church leadership.  This is why I have no interest in going into "ministry." My work is always more valued and appreciated in the secular setting--hence the pull towards chaplaincy.

Yale Divinity School tends to enable:

Episcopalians
Extroverts
Egoists

I'm not Episcopalian, I'm not an extrovert, and I'm continually asking God to work on my ego.  I thrived at Yale Divinity School last year because I refused to be a part of the system, and my refusal to get sucked in gave me the freedom to blossom and be myself.  This year, I am an unwilling part of the system because of my role as Community Life Co-Coordinator, and my task is to be a humble yet bold agent of change in the culture of this school.

A friend asked me last week what I was looking forward to this year.  I said, "Graduating!"

As much as I've loved the opportunity to study at Yale Divinity School, I also feel that my first year was too wonderful to be repeated, and I'd like to move on.  Year Two has been tiring already, and most days I'm too exhausted to even put my rants into writing.  So whenever you see that I've blogged, you'll know that I actually got enough sleep for once and have enough time to sit down and actually write!  Thank goodness for that on this Sunday =)

Swimming by Moonlight

Quarter-mile, low-tide Sound
Four friends under moonlight found
Our titles, stress, and clothing shed
Into night's warmth and water--led,
pulled by spontaneity,
We ventured far as eye could see
No fear of sharks or drowning, for
Our salty swimming pool's floor
Was firm and soft beneath our feet
And night's dark shadows just as sweet
As friendship's bond--a baptism
blends past and future like a prism.