This past weekend, I attended the Women's March on Washington with four of my friends.
As an introverted old soul who loves sleep, needs down time, dislikes crowds, and is worn out by travel, it really took some convincing for me to go--especially since I was already out of town the weekend before. I also wasn't sure how to feel about the controversy surrounding the march. I'm pro-life and a woman of color, and the march had been criticized by both groups. Saturday was also my birthday, and I felt a bit sad that I would not be able to spend the day connecting with friends and family over Skype or phone.
Ultimately, the clincher was knowing that I would regret not going--and feeling a call to go as a woman of God. I have gone to several other political events in the past--from picketing abortion clinics in Colorado in 2003 to a pro-traditional marriage rally at LA City Hall (which my mom helped organize) in 2008 to a Black Lives Matter march in New Haven in 2014--so this was just another (more historic and large-scale) event for me. For me, it was a pro-woman rather than an anti-new-administration rally--and a wonderful way to spend my 31st birthday. Trump was the last person on my mind, actually.
The day before the march, I wrote to a friend:
I'd like to host the presence of God with every step I take and to feel the atmosphere in a historic moment in American history. I don't know if I'll get the chance to be with so many other women again on a national scale, in a setting and event that was conceived of and orchestrated by women. We live in a man's world, so I didn't want to pass up a women's event. I'm excited to go and learn and watch. I have a feeling I'll see things that don't sit well with me, but I want to be there. For me, showing up is everything.
After an 8-hour day at work on Friday, I spent just as much time in the car in order to get from Massachusetts to Maryland. My friends totally made it possible for me to not have to drive, and they allowed me to sleep on the way. They know and understand me enough to give me space when my introvert needs a moment, so not once did I feel drained. The weekend was epic and exhausting, but it was one of my best birthdays and one I'll never forget.
Monday was less difficult than imagined, but at the end of the day I wondered how I'd make it through the rest of the week. After dinner, I spent time on a homework assignment (for a class I'm auditing at Boston College School of Theology and Ministry) and then went to bed at 8 pm. All I could think of was making it to the next weekend.
Today, at 5:30 am, I awoke to a notification about work being cancelled due to inclement weather. So it looks like I do get a day off after all! I've reached out to friends in Africa and Europe--who've been waiting for a chance to Skype for a while, but finding it difficult due to time differences--and I called my grandparents. I'm excited to be able to catch up with friends that I would have over the weekend. God's mercies are new every morning, and (s)He does make a way when we obey!
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Friday, January 13, 2017
Blogs
In different phases of life, different blogs become more relevant.
In the days before Divinity School, I frequented the following blogs.
http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/
http://www.recoveringgrace.org/
I was trying to break free from Christian fundamentalism once and for all, and I needed community and perspective, even if it was online.
During Divinity School, I had plenty of lectures, class discussions, and readings to help form my theology and conception of contemporary Christian spirituality.
Since graduation, I've found myself searching again for sources of wisdom.
Over winter break, I attended PazNaz church, whose senior pastor is a woman, and have been visiting her blog ever since.
This morning, a Huffpost article led me to another resource that I'd like to explore.
Thank goodness for much-needed perspectives in an era that continues to make clear (to me, at least) that white Evangelical theology is going to be the death of justice and mercy in America.
In the days before Divinity School, I frequented the following blogs.
http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/
http://www.recoveringgrace.org/
I was trying to break free from Christian fundamentalism once and for all, and I needed community and perspective, even if it was online.
During Divinity School, I had plenty of lectures, class discussions, and readings to help form my theology and conception of contemporary Christian spirituality.
Since graduation, I've found myself searching again for sources of wisdom.
Over winter break, I attended PazNaz church, whose senior pastor is a woman, and have been visiting her blog ever since.
This morning, a Huffpost article led me to another resource that I'd like to explore.
Thank goodness for much-needed perspectives in an era that continues to make clear (to me, at least) that white Evangelical theology is going to be the death of justice and mercy in America.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Six Months in Boston
It occurred to me today that on January 15th, I will have lived and worked in Boston for 6 months.
How does it feel?
I remember when I first got my new job, it just felt right to say yes and move up here. Things had happened really quickly, and I did not have a whole lot of time to discern or ask my community for input. So I made the decision (I was in Tallin, Estonia, when I accepted the offer!) and moved forward with it.
I was happy with my job title and pay, and I knew Boston was a nice city. New Haveners seemed to feel as if I had moved up in the world by coming here. I had never really wanted to leave New Haven after graduation--and missed it badly!--but one doesn't say no to an opportunity to live and work in Boston...
I was primarily concerned with finding a church and experiencing the spiritual dimension of the city. Both desires have been difficult to fulfill. Much harder than when I was at Yale, but not for lack of trying--I visited churches and small groups, and spent a lot of time in prayer about this!
Work has been good, but quite a different environment than Yale and Divinity School. I have felt respected and appreciated, but I miss being a student. I miss having the freedom and constant opportunity to think critically, speak subversively, and connect deeply. I miss the progressive-ness and the privileged-ness of Yale--and the amusement and annoyance of being around brilliant, awkward people all the time.
Bostonians are honest, opinionated, and hard-working. There's no bullshit here and actions speak louder than words. The city runs smoothly and ideas materialize rather than evaporate--a nice change of scenery from the Ivory Tower.
In my heart, though, there's no place like Yale, where passion and logic intertwine and where narratives matter and facts fit into bigger pictures. Where people of color and women speak up and challenge the establishment and are not expected to conform.
The Boston version of the Real World has been good to me, but it's also worn me down. I keep wondering what it will take for me to feel like I belong here.
I went away for 2 weeks over winter break, and as of today I've been back for a week. I have felt more connected to the city ever since, which is good. How will 2017 be?
I'm still looking for a spiritual home and a ministry that's uniquely mine--well, God's, but given to me. I'm giving myself time to figure out how long I'd like to be here. And I'm going to invest in the things that I have been given--my wonderful roommate; good job; and the nice town in which I live.
Moving back to California is not out of the question, though, and my time at home over break showed me that I could easily do so. It would mean giving up certain things--religion and race in the Northeast mean such different things, and I've learned a lot here and been able to exercise an amount of influence that is unique to this context--but it would also mean gaining conveniences--family, old friends, familiar surroundings, and warmer weather.
Not all seasons of our lives bear fruit. Some require digging deep and pushing our roots down. Six months into my time in Boston, I have not made many friends outside of work or felt connected to a church home. But I've gotten to know myself better and been stripped of a lot of the things that make me feel alive--dancing, socializing, organizing, theologizing....
My identity must be in Christ alone, I've learned. He is the sole reason for my existence, and other things--good things, like my role in the Kingdom of God--flow out of that primary relationship. This, I believe, is the most spiritual of purposes for my move in Boston. It's not quite what I expected, but our most important lessons in life often aren't, are they?
How does it feel?
I remember when I first got my new job, it just felt right to say yes and move up here. Things had happened really quickly, and I did not have a whole lot of time to discern or ask my community for input. So I made the decision (I was in Tallin, Estonia, when I accepted the offer!) and moved forward with it.
I was happy with my job title and pay, and I knew Boston was a nice city. New Haveners seemed to feel as if I had moved up in the world by coming here. I had never really wanted to leave New Haven after graduation--and missed it badly!--but one doesn't say no to an opportunity to live and work in Boston...
I was primarily concerned with finding a church and experiencing the spiritual dimension of the city. Both desires have been difficult to fulfill. Much harder than when I was at Yale, but not for lack of trying--I visited churches and small groups, and spent a lot of time in prayer about this!
Work has been good, but quite a different environment than Yale and Divinity School. I have felt respected and appreciated, but I miss being a student. I miss having the freedom and constant opportunity to think critically, speak subversively, and connect deeply. I miss the progressive-ness and the privileged-ness of Yale--and the amusement and annoyance of being around brilliant, awkward people all the time.
Bostonians are honest, opinionated, and hard-working. There's no bullshit here and actions speak louder than words. The city runs smoothly and ideas materialize rather than evaporate--a nice change of scenery from the Ivory Tower.
In my heart, though, there's no place like Yale, where passion and logic intertwine and where narratives matter and facts fit into bigger pictures. Where people of color and women speak up and challenge the establishment and are not expected to conform.
The Boston version of the Real World has been good to me, but it's also worn me down. I keep wondering what it will take for me to feel like I belong here.
I went away for 2 weeks over winter break, and as of today I've been back for a week. I have felt more connected to the city ever since, which is good. How will 2017 be?
I'm still looking for a spiritual home and a ministry that's uniquely mine--well, God's, but given to me. I'm giving myself time to figure out how long I'd like to be here. And I'm going to invest in the things that I have been given--my wonderful roommate; good job; and the nice town in which I live.
Moving back to California is not out of the question, though, and my time at home over break showed me that I could easily do so. It would mean giving up certain things--religion and race in the Northeast mean such different things, and I've learned a lot here and been able to exercise an amount of influence that is unique to this context--but it would also mean gaining conveniences--family, old friends, familiar surroundings, and warmer weather.
Not all seasons of our lives bear fruit. Some require digging deep and pushing our roots down. Six months into my time in Boston, I have not made many friends outside of work or felt connected to a church home. But I've gotten to know myself better and been stripped of a lot of the things that make me feel alive--dancing, socializing, organizing, theologizing....
My identity must be in Christ alone, I've learned. He is the sole reason for my existence, and other things--good things, like my role in the Kingdom of God--flow out of that primary relationship. This, I believe, is the most spiritual of purposes for my move in Boston. It's not quite what I expected, but our most important lessons in life often aren't, are they?
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Christmas
On Christmas Eve, I posted the following blurb on Facebook:
Christmas (for those who celebrate it) is expected to be a time of celebration, family, and coziness. If that's on your plate this weekend, have a wonderful and blessed time! The protagonists of the original Christmas story (for those who believe it) also celebrated family in a cozy atmosphere. At the same time, holiday blues are a real thing, and this time of year can be excruciatingly painful (nothing highlights "lack" of spouse, house, health, wealth, etc. more than social media and events) in comparison to others. The Christmas protagonists were away from home, exhausted, uncertain about the future, experiencing physical discomfort, in a politically oppressed demographic, and (for those who believe in the Immaculate Conception) not going through socially designated "stages of life" in the proper order or timing. So for those who can relate to their story in any way, know that you are not alone and that the *true* meaning of Christmas is yours to claim!
P.S.--Some conversation starters that might be meaningful and humanizing during the holidays: "What did you learn about yourself, the world, and Grace this year? What is something courageous and kind you would like to try in the new year?"
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