That blows my mind.
You may have noticed that I did not blog once in April. I didn't journal much, either, and my email correspondences have fallen pathetically by the wayside. I guess I was too busy, uh, socializing.
Once friends discovered I was leaving, I discovered that I had better spend time with them before I leave. For 2 years now I've been longing to get out of LA, and now that I'm actually going away, I've decided to "live it up" and enjoy the connections I've made. One week, I had a social activity every single night, and I ate out more than I cooked at home. I told my parents: "Is this what other single, young Asian Americans do on a normal basis?"
For me, a week was enough. It was fun, but I could never maintain that kind of lifestyle. I need breaks in between when I can breathe and just be me. It has been interesting to "play the extrovert", though; this season has meant doing lots of things with people--and actually wanting to do them (rather than forcing myself to go out).
When I contrast this with what my life will/should look like come August, I can scarcely believe that the same person who is getting tan in the great outdoors will be hitting the books in the library. Instead of making and spending money as a young adult, I'll be investing my time and energy into personal and professional development within a spiritual environment. I'll be living in a 2-bedroom apartment with another introvert, right on campus, and instead of driving to work, I'll be walking to class every day. Hopefully I can find people with which to play ultimate frisbee and swing dance (on a college campus, that shouldn't be too hard), but my priority will be on attending lectures, concerts, and forums.
Today, I realized that I hadn't done any serious reading in a month--and that it was killing me. I started fussing to myself, and I felt desperately out of sorts. Remembering that my brother had sent me a list of blogs to check out, I searched for the long lost emails and began perusing posts on process theology, racial reconciliation, and other interesting topics. Ah, ideas! How lovely it is to swim in your midst, confused, inspired, infuriated, and curious.
Reading other people's blogs has done as much--if not more--for me than the counseling sessions I've attended. It's helped me process things and hear other people's thoughts in my own fashion. My first post was called, "Why I don't Want to Start a Blog", and I suppose this post could have been titled, "Why I read Blogs". Except it isn't, because I'm so
Hopefully, this whirlwind of fun will die down soon. Getting ready for Divinity School means more than packing up my things and transporting my car across the country. Getting ready for Divinity School means quieting my heart so it can listen and clearing my mind so it can learn. It means wrestling with the question of why I have been given such opportunity when others are experiencing challenges and suffering that they did not deserve.
To quote one of my Facebook statuses (to be specific, the status I posted the day I went public with this blog):
Growing up, all I wanted was to get married young, have 4 kids, and homeschool them. It seems that God had other plans for my life. There have been amazing blessings, and there have been disappointing experiences. A few cherished dreams have died excruciating deaths.
Things seem to be coming together of late. I am very grateful, but I never want to forget Suffering (my own past suffering and others' current suffering) in the midst of this present Joy: I'll be moving away from California this August to attend Divinity School. I'll be making my final decision in a matter of days, but anyone interested in the process can read about it here: [link to this blog]….
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