Familiarity Breeds Contempt

It's always the same scenario.

I walk into a Chinese church as a first-time visitor.  I am able to read the words on the screen during worship, and I can understand the sermon.  Thanks to my upbringing and the diligence of my mom, my Chinese is pretty fluent, despite being born in America.

At the end of the service, during introductions, I am greeted by adult members of the congregation.  A few exchanges produces the same sort of reactions from them:

1. "Wow, your Chinese is so good for someone born here!  It's much better than my son/daughter's…"
2. "I hope you are able to come help our church with your musical/bilingual/theological background!"
3. "You look so young!  I can't believe you are already __ .  Wow!"

I have many bones to pick with Chinese people.  This includes people of Chinese heritage in America as well as people in Taiwan whose ancestors were Chinese (as differentiated from the native people of the island).  So let me explain what bothers me about the above statements:

1. Thanks for the compliment, but please recognize that I can't take the credit for this.  Credit goes to my mom, who insisted that I know the language and be able to communicate with her in Chinese.  Even though her English is quite good.  The fact that so many American Born Chinese speak broken Chinese is the fault of their parents, and I think that's a tragedy.

2. If you think that the biggest incentive for a visitor to come back to your church is so that she can serve your congregation, then you're wrong.  Do I even need to explain why?

3. If you are surprised that I look younger than my age, keep it to yourself.  Do you think I'm oblivious to the fact that I look young?  If you're trying to compliment me, I'm not taking it as such, so just stop.

All right.  Enough complaining against Chinese in America.  Let's talk about people in Taiwan.

It's always the same when I go back to Taiwan:

1.  "What, you play soccer?  Aren't you afraid your thighs will get thick?"
2. "Don't get a Ph.D.  You'll never find a husband if you do that."
3.  "The last time your brother was here he said this, which was so interesting!  And wow, he posts things on Facebook that shows he has opinions about things.  That's great!"

Clearly, my conception of what a modern woman can be is a little different.

1. What's wrong with having some muscle?  I'm sorry if my legs look thicker than Taiwanese standards of beauty, but I'd rather look healthy and strong than skinny and weak.  At least I won't topple over if the wind blows!

2. Well, too bad then.  I'll just do without the husband!  (How happy are you married people, huh?)

3.  I love my brother, and this point isn't an attack on him but rather an attack on what people's comments about him reveal about their views on men and women.  I refuse to accept that my brother has more entitlement to opinions than I do simply because he is male.  And if your entire conversation with me is going to be about him, then I'll show myself the door.  It's a very sick society that believes a woman's job is to stay thin and look pretty and that it is only respectable for a man to have an opinion and voice it.

Believe me, there are things about American society that bother me too.  But if I'm going to criticize, I'll start with my own people.  Familiarity breeds contempt, after all.