Saturday, November 21, 2015

Ritual and American Culture: A Reflection on YDS


Write one page discussing to what extent ritual fulfills a vital social function. 

            Why do we care so much about rituals?  Sometimes, we don’t realize how much we care until ritual is taken away from us—or until we sense a need for which there is no ritual—and that only ritual can fill.  Thus, the way we care about rituals cuts two ways. Rituals serve us, and when we don’t have them, we feel their absence.  Sometimes, in our efforts to maintain a ritual for ritual’s sake, we end up serving the ritual.  Either way, ritual not only expresses, but also organizes human emotions and values in tangible—but not literal—ways.  Herein lies the social function of rituals.
            At Yale Divinity School, liturgy abounds in the multitude of chapel services that occur every week.  Being an ecumenical seminary, liturgy is as experimental as it is all-encompassing.  Interestingly, the abundance of liturgy has seemingly led to a scarcity of ritual.  What I mean by this is that there are few actual “traditions” that students can expect from year to year, and that has left the community feeling angry and frustrated.  In my role as one of the Community Life Coordinators at YDS, I have listened to students complain about not feeling like they know their role in the community—and not feeling safe enough to interact productively with administration and faculty.  The Executive Committee, on which I serve, is largely constituted by students in their third year who still have not gotten over the fact that one of their favorite rituals, “Saints and Sinners,” was banned—and not replaced by something similar or better—by the administration two years ago. 
Initially, I was shocked at how great the resentment was over such a “minor” matter. But over time, I came to see ritual as a marker of sincerity—whether actual or performed—and to understand its absence as inviting unorganized emotions.  A ritual, no matter how serious or frivolous, is something to be looked forward to, something that grounds individuals in a sense of community.  At Yale Divinity School, rituals such as Convocation, Advent Party, and Commencement still exist, but Saints and Sinners, the yearly ritual of “fun,” has gone and left a gaping hole in the heart of the community.
Even as old rituals are eliminated by those in power who may not appreciate their value in a social group, so do new rituals arise to meet new needs.  For the incoming class at YDS who know nothing of Saints and Sinners, the absence of ritual becomes an opportunity to create new traditions and a source of agency in establishing new roles and ideology in a community.  Over the last two weeks, the Divinity School was rocked by the events happening “downtown” in Yale College.  Several of our students—mostly women of color—attended the March of Resilience, Teach-In, and other related events on the main Yale campus.  Their involvement sparked intense conversation at the Divinity School, and eventually, our Dean held a “listening session” in which students of color could speak candidly about their experiences.  Among many other things, out of this very intense meeting came a recognition that the Divinity School needed to do something to minister to Yale Undergrads. Several students got together to plan a very last-minute Service of Solidarity, to which undergrads would be invited. 
The Service of Solidarity drew a larger crowd than normally attends our weekly chapel services.  I saw students, faculty, and staff who came to show their support for what this service meant.  Showing up was a marker of sincerity; whether it was real or performed (or a mixture of both) did not matter as much as the act of coming.  Ultimately, it didn’t matter whether or not many undergrads were there.  The point of it all was solidarity, and that required, first and foremost, a Divinity presence.
On a personal level, I felt compelled to help plan the Service of Solidarity, both as a woman of color and as Community Life Coordinator.  My Community Life Committee helped provide refreshments for the Service, and I took time out of my schedule to sing with the Gospel Choir for the Service.  It wasn’t enough that I emotionally and verbally supported my friends who were on the forefront of planning—I also felt that I had to physically show up and do something. 
After the Service of Solidarity, one of the main leaders of the event posted on Facebook, saying that for the first time since she arrived at Yale Divinity School, she felt a sense of purpose and that she had a place in the community.  The ritual she planned and partook in both signaled and solidified her role.  She promised that she would make a better effort to attend chapel services regularly.  Now that ritual had served to give her a sense of identity, she was making an effort to serve the ritual. 
My analysis of the Service of Solidarity would seem to suggest that, even in an overtly religious setting like Yale Divinity School, ritual fulfills a function that is first social and then spiritual.  Granted, this statement could be easily contested if one reads a false dichotomy between the social and the spiritual.  But for the purposes of this short piece, suffice it to say that the emotional component of ritual is something that calls for its existence and enactment—and might be taken for granted until it is neglected.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

'Tis a Gift to be Simple

All my life, I have wrestled with the tension between wanting a simple life and feeling pulled to do great things.  My decisions have been somewhere in the middle of these two ideas, and different seasons of life have entailed leaning more towards one or the other.

This year, I've longed for more time, more rest, and more freedom to do my own thing rather then being responsible to others.  But it's also been clear that this season is not about doing my own thing, so I've learned to accept commitment, responsibility, and all the stress and fatigue that come with those things.

Last week, during Homegroup, I realized that the way I live simply this year is by trusting wholly. It's worked every time I've tried it.  Each week, I wonder whether I'll make it through, and somehow, I do.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am reminded of the fact that

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.
(from the Shaker Melody, "Simple Gifts")

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Hope

Fall in New England is a glorious affair.  The leaves turn all shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. Each day brings new transformation, and autumn sunshine illuminates the beauty of changing foliage.

By November, though, most of the trees are bare, and the leaves have either been trampled on or swept away.  Still, there is beauty in the bleakening landscape.  The show is over, but we're still here, say the naked branches and tree trunks.

I thought about this today during my weekly trek from the Divinity School down to Yale's main campus, and I thought about how exposure is good.  When the glory and the show end, we're left with skeletons and structures.  We see clearly what's behind the facade. This is what is happening at Yale.  

Last Friday, the Dean of YDS held a listening session to hear from students of color.  Most of those who spoke were women, and the honesty was raw and brutal at times, hopeful and encouraging in other moments.  Everyone in the room was profoundly affected--even destabilized--by the conversation.

Over the weekend, I had some time to recover from an intense week, which had begun with me stopping by Monday's March of Resilience at Yale; progressed into spending hours on Facebook reading articles, writing posts, and fielding questions and comments from West Coast friends (mostly Asian males, interestingly); and finally ended with Friday's conversation at the Divinity School.

Over the weekend, I took some international students on a hike and scored a goal in the YDS Paracleats' semi-final soccer game.  I went to church, worked on papers, and tried to get some sleep. I also attended a planning meeting for a special chapel service that happened this morning--in solidarity for Yale Undergrads.  

This chapel service has been a long time in coming.  Last spring, there were hints of revival at YDS, especially during chapel services featuring the Gospel Choir.  When you see students across cultures and denominations all being physically and emotionally moved by praise music, you know that change can't be far away.

This morning, chapel lasted longer than usual.  More faculty, staff, and students attended than usual. And the music spoke more powerfully than usual.

By the end of the service, we'd all formed a large circle, linking arms, holding hands, and singing "Break Every Chain" and "Lean on Me."  Several voices had spoke--women and men of color, reading in various languages (I did Lamentations 3:53 in Chinese)--and many other voices had sung in unison to music of hope and strength.  

Since the beginning of this semester, I have been spiritually drained but fiercely hopeful.  I had a feeling that new wine was getting ready to be poured into our community, but new wine needs new wineskins.

***I had to take a break from this blog post to put this on Facebook:
Singing in Solidarity for an extended chapel service with the Gospel Choir--and hearing from a variety of cultures and languages--this is exactly what Yale Divinity School needed, and I am so grateful for and exhausted from an amazing day on campus!
All semester long--in fact, I sensed this as early as this past summer--I have been telling my fellow sisters of color that new wine is getting ready to be poured into our community. But new wine needs new wineskins, otherwise things will explode. It is now clear to me that new wineskins means systemic and institutional changes, and that the time to fight for those things is now. So proud of my sisters and brothers who have taken such initiative to take action, and so honored to stand with you!

Thanksgiving is next week, and I have so much for which to be grateful.  

When I accepted the position of Community Life Co-Coordinator at YDS, I knew I was getting myself into a lot more than I could handle.  Every week, I've had to ask for Grace and lean into that Grace.  I've made it thus far, and I will make it to the end.

When I began my CLC job, I was emotionally and spiritually drained by the abundance of meetings and events I had to attend or put on.  I hated walking onto campus because I could feel how needy and broken people were, and interaction after interaction would suck the life out of me.  I was happy to escape downtown two days a week to get away from the Div School.

Today's walk downtown felt different, though.  The pain of loving my YDS Community had lessened.  I had been loving it even when it hurt me.  But today, that love gave me energy and fulfillment.  The change that I had been fighting and praying for was rearing is beautiful head, and others were finally catching onto it.

I feel as if the burden has lifted.  The intense spiritual warfare in which I've been fighting has taken a turn towards victory.  Sisters and brothers of all colors have been roused to action.  And yes, I count white as a color--I celebrate the fact that we cannot do this without the support of our white friends!

I know that the burden has been lifted because the baton has been passed on to this incoming class at YDS--this vibrant, confident, and passionate group of students who have taken our campus by storm. I told them today: this is your time.  I'm just here to support you and stand by you.  You are the new wine, and I'm on my way out.  If I can clear the path for you, I'm willing.  And I will continue engaging in spiritual warfare on your behalf.

They said to me: we feel your prayers, because it has been so easy to be ourselves in this space and to do what's important to us.  

God is so faithful to his daughters.  He has provided a way out, and He is raising up mighty women to sing and dance upon injustice!

Amen.



Friday, October 2, 2015

Running, Rain, Race

You know your life is crazy when a class has to schedule a working brunch on a Saturday.

You know you're an introvert when you nearly cry one night because you feel like you have too many friends--and too many parties of people want to schedule a fall foliage roadtrip with you.

All week, there has been rain.  That may be the only consistent thing about it.

Monday night, before the rain started, I went running with a friend.  3 miles, longer than I've run in a good while, and I felt invincible.

Then, a sore throat Tuesday morning.  Subdued atmosphere at the Divinity School, due to rain.  Something feels off in the community.  But at least my class downtown, in the undergrad American Studies department is wonderful and life-giving!

Wednesday, another life-giving class at Yale Law School, followed by lunch with our artist-in-residence, a playwright.  Afternoon finds me sipping sherry at the Institute of Sacred Music's weekly colloquium.  What a collegial atmosphere of musicians, artists, literary-types, and scholars!  We have a house dinner in the evening, and it's less awkward than our first--we're warming up to one another now.  Although, I go to bed that night wondering if I'm starting to become a bit like a Tiger mom in the house, what with reminding my younger house-sister and brothers to do their chores and pay me back for the cleaning supplies I purchase.

Thursday is a roller coaster.  Sitting in class in the morning, there is this ache in my heart.  It won't go away, so I decide to.  I leave school and head home to give myself a minute in solitude.  When I finally return to campus, I run into two of my dearest friends.  We talk in the hallway.  We go into the chapel to pray.  More talking, more of the Spirit flows through our communion as we meet more people and continue to talk.  Then, I go to a class on Contemporary Christian Spirituality, whose topic is of utmost interest but whose instructor and class format drains the life out of me.  I can't wait to go to my church home group at night.  When I finally make it over there, there is food, fellowship, deep sharing, and listening prayer.  

Friday, and I've slept 10 hours as I continue fighting off this cold that has been encroaching upon me all week.  I have lunch at a local church, which I do not attend but where I feel very much at home.  I get some work done--first inside my car while it rains outside, and then in a coffee shop.  I come home for dinner.  I attend an evening event, held inside our chapel--one of the leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement has come to Yale Divinity School, and the students who have shown up--as well as members of the community--are ready to talk about and not around the issue of race.  The energy is so incredibly positive; it lacks the cynicism and bitterness that I have often felt at YDS.  There is new wine ready to be poured out into our community, and the new wineskin is being stretched and formed.

We hang out for the reception until late.  I don't feel drained.  I feel energized by the people who are here.  My pastor and his wife have also come--he is a YDS alum.  There is spontaneous singing and dancing as one man plays the piano and leads us in call-and-response lines.  There is a lot of laughing.  And hugs all around.  This is what community is.  This is what it means to be a people.

The rain continues to pour as I head home, but I'm unfazed.  Something has broken through tonight.  All the oppressive humidity and cloudiness is behind us.  The rain is coming down, and new life is going to spring up.  YDS, get ready.  Change is coming, and we're all going to be a part of it!




Monday, September 21, 2015

A Snob

I am a snob.  A condolences snob.

It occurs to me that perhaps some people find it good to feel that others understand what they are going through during a time of loss.  "I know how you feel...I've been there before..." or, "This reminds me of the time I, similar to you, had this kind of experience."  Perhaps there is a sense of solidarity in knowing that the comforter has gone through something similar.

I'm not that kind of person.

I believe that one can never fully understand what another person is going through.  Anyone who has ever read anything about bereavement knows that when someone else is going through something excruciating and difficult, there are no words you can offer.  Just sit there and listen.

During the difficult times in my life, only a few friends have known how to be an empathetic presence. They have acknowledged that my situation is unique to me, and have sought to understand ways in which my losses are particular to my person.  I am forever grateful to those friends!



Sunday, September 20, 2015

A Rant

When I'm tired I rant, and I'm feeling chronically exhausted these days.

So, some thoughts:

The church tends to favor:

Males
Married
Musicians

I'm not male, I'm not married, and I don't like to market myself as a musician.  I've always felt like an outsider to church leadership, even though I've always known that my spiritual life is much stronger than many in church leadership.  This is why I have no interest in going into "ministry." My work is always more valued and appreciated in the secular setting--hence the pull towards chaplaincy.

Yale Divinity School tends to enable:

Episcopalians
Extroverts
Egoists

I'm not Episcopalian, I'm not an extrovert, and I'm continually asking God to work on my ego.  I thrived at Yale Divinity School last year because I refused to be a part of the system, and my refusal to get sucked in gave me the freedom to blossom and be myself.  This year, I am an unwilling part of the system because of my role as Community Life Co-Coordinator, and my task is to be a humble yet bold agent of change in the culture of this school.

A friend asked me last week what I was looking forward to this year.  I said, "Graduating!"

As much as I've loved the opportunity to study at Yale Divinity School, I also feel that my first year was too wonderful to be repeated, and I'd like to move on.  Year Two has been tiring already, and most days I'm too exhausted to even put my rants into writing.  So whenever you see that I've blogged, you'll know that I actually got enough sleep for once and have enough time to sit down and actually write!  Thank goodness for that on this Sunday =)



Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Swimming by Moonlight

Quarter-mile, low-tide Sound
Four friends under moonlight found
Our titles, stress, and clothing shed
Into night's warmth and water--led,
pulled by spontaneity,
We ventured far as eye could see
No fear of sharks or drowning, for
Our salty swimming pool's floor
Was firm and soft beneath our feet
And night's dark shadows just as sweet
As friendship's bond--a baptism
blends past and future like a prism.