The Blessing of Friendship

In order to function and thrive in Divinity School--well, in life, really--I've learned to be organized, proactive, and communicative.  I've also chosen to be a woman of color who is not afraid to smile at strangers, listen to different opinions, and hold my own ground without getting angry.  I've learned to speak up in class, even though that runs against many traditional Asian values; to not be bothered by innocent ignorance or micro-aggressions; and to engage with people and be outgoing, despite being an introvert.

Speaking with another woman of Chinese descent the other week, I said: "We don't just represent ourselves.  We represent women and Chinese people every time we engage with others in a public setting.  That requires both a pride in who we are and the humility to simply be human."  And while I never like to perform, I do feel like I want to learn to be purposeful in the way I conduct myself, because every action of mine speaks just as loudly as words.

My close friends know that, in my "natural" state, I take a long time to warm up to people, need personal space, and sometimes just enjoy silence.  They also know that when I'm not in school or work mode, I'm pretty indecisive, not always organized, and am easily overstimulated by a large group of people or too much information.  They see me in my more private moments, when I'm just a person and not a student at YDS, and they embrace me for who I am.  That is deeply humbling.  When I get lost driving, they don't get frustrated.  When I say the wrong thing, they take it in stride.  And when I am not with them, they still stay in touch with me.  Around them, I can truly be myself, and when it's not my best self, their love helps me want to be better.  I've found a number of such friends at Yale, and we've become a close community.

I think often of my friends, even when I take time to be alone.  I'm thinking of them tonight, and I know I'll see them soon.  Until then, I continue to recharge my battery, knowing that the better care I give myself, the better the self I can share with others.