My summer was a leisurely whirlwind, if such a thing exists. In other words: it was busy, but not rushed. I wrapped things up at work, said goodbye to my residents and co-workers, visited relatives in Taiwan, toured Singapore for 2 1/2 days, and spent time with my family and friends in LA before moving to the East Coast.
Once I arrived at Yale, I had more than enough time to be by myself. I don't mind being alone, but after 4 days in an empty apartment on a quiet campus, I was starting to get cabin fever. Finally, it was time for Orientation, a busy few days of meeting classmates and learning about my program. As I got ready in the morning, playing a worship song on my laptop, I found myself pondering:
Why am I here? What am I doing with my life? Who am I in the context of Yale?
I wasn't questioning my decision to come to Divinity School but rather reflecting on what it meant to be myself in this new season of life.
Back in LA, I had held on rather tightly to my self-imposed identity of being an introvert. I often felt the pull to go out and be social, and whenever I gave in to that pull, I simultaneously wished I could just go home and be by myself. Although I genuinely liked and appreciated my wonderfully supportive community, I often wished I didn't have so many social obligations/invitations. I felt like a few engaging conversations with my roommate or my family satisfied my relational itch more than any amount of group gatherings and small talk. Still, I spent time with people on a very regular basis, feeling the freedom to be myself and knowing that people loved--and wanted to be with--me for who I was.
And thankfully, although I'm still getting acquainted with the Yale Divinity School community, I also feel that I will be able to be myself here in ways that are appropriate to the setting and that will hopefully bless others around me. While I know that I have so much to absorb and learn here, I also know that I have something to offer. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not, and I won't waste time lamenting that I'm not everything I wish I was. My many flaws (and believe me, there's nothing like being out of one's comfort zone to bring attention to what they are!) give me daily opportunities to trust in the Source of my inner strength. In this new season of life, I'm going to have to be proactive about making new friends, intentional about building community, and open to learning from peers and professors alike. It's a lot, and I'm determined to be myself--to stay true to the core of who I am--in the process.
Tomorrow I'll be skipping the morning portion of Orientation in order to recharge at home. The session I'll be missing* is on strategies and services for mental and spiritual health, a topic which I find highly important and very mandatory for surviving my time here at Yale. And that's why, instead of going to hear other people talk about it, I'll be doing just that--staying in to take care of myself and to be by myself.
That way, I'll be able to re-emerge at lunchtime, fully myself, and go full steam through the afternoon all the way till the end of our late-night socializing (free hors d'oeuvre reception…spiffy attire required!)
*We only need to attend certain mandatory sessions. How much we participate in Orientation activities is at our discretion, and we have been reminded to take care of ourselves in order not to get overwhelmed.
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