Identity, Yet Again

My last post didn't really tie into its title that well.  Oh well.  Just another one of those things that makes me feel like this blog needs to either get better or stop happening.

Anyways, I reflected on my blogging process right after publishing the previous post, and I was annoyed by how every topic I brought up always had to tie back to my own life.  As if, if things can't somehow be relevant to me, I wouldn't spend time on them.

Don't worry.  I don't really hate myself as much as these initial sentences make it seem like…

I am an Asian-American that doesn't really understand what Asian American culture is because I've always been more interested in the Chinese culture and American culture of older generations than the popular trends and current tendencies of others Asians like me who were born in America.  I am at once Chinese and American, for even though I believe that I have a fairly decent knowledge of Chinese culture and that my Chinese fluency is above average, I am also aware that there are parts of me that are irreversibly American in spirit.

This whole Identity thing, for instance.  I am a bit obsessive about articulating to myself (and those who will listen) how I see myself and how I fit into the environment around me.

I guess that's one thing that makes me perfect for Yale Divinity School.  People here have a very strong sense of who they are and what they want, and they also want to know about who you are and what you want.  Coming from the task-oriented working world where all that doesn't really matter from the hours of 9-5, I'm excited to dialogue with others about this.  But I'd also like to stay away from some of the pathologies of Obsession with Identity, which I find to be problematic.

Case in point: During one of the student panels, individuals shared at length and in depth about their experiences here.  (I wish I could play some soundbites of that panel for you, because goodness, people here are so freaking good at articulating things!).  During the Q&A portion of the panel, a young student who seemed to be just as American as the other whites in the room until she began speaking in a British accent went up to the microphone.  Her question was simple: "Do we all really need to be so sure about who we are and what we believe…like, is it ok for me to not feel so strongly about my own identity?"

The room erupted in an overwhelming "no!", and no effort was made to address any kind of alternative to this emphasis identity.

That reaction of the crowd was, to me, a very telling example of American Individualism on Steroids.  Even in our desire to do good for society and the world at large, we are so focused on how we do it and our personal role and style.  Could it be that, at the root of everything, we run the risk of being just as Self-Centered (which is not the same as being selfish) as someone who doesn't give a damn about saving the world?

This may be a generalization, but most other cultures around the world find Collective Identity to be the norm.  Sure, individuals can have their own personality and style, but overall, who you are doesn't matter quite as much as where you came from and what you look like.  I would suffocate if I lived in such a world, and I find it a huge blessing to be a Chinese* person in American society because I feel like the two identities balance each other out.

But after that incident, I found myself asking (out loud! I am so glad I feel safe enough to be this outspoken in a new environment) those around me:

Is it really that important that we figure out who we are and what we want at any given moment of our academic lives?

Does anyone else find it ironic that an institution that prides itself on being liberal and diverse has, at its core, the backbone of Individualistic Identity that may alienate students from other cultures?  

Most interestingly, and perhaps importantly, I didn't see the crowd's reaction as being hostile or even directed at the student from England's question.  I read it as a gut response (somewhat cathartic and even revelatory! ) to the unspoken pressure that everyone here feels to be engaged with their Identity.  It's like this innocent question called into consciousness a Problem that people weren't really aware of and thus had no way of challenging or overthrowing!

It will be very interesting to see if (and I do hope it happens!) international students, as well as students of color and/or various backgrounds, challenge the attitudinal Norms around here.  I'm looking forward to seeing fruitful dialogue come out of these friendly clashes of culture.  And I welcome any healthy conflict that helps this community grow into the open-minded and global environment that it would like to be.

Yes, after just a few short days, I am owning my identity as a Divinity Student at Yale, and I'm eager to hash out how my individual identity adjusts to--and critiques and challenges--the Identity of the student body.

*Technically, I'm more Taiwanese-American than I am Chinese-American, but using the latter in this discussion just seemed like less work, especially in a post that touches on East-West contrasts.