I have been gifted with the pleasant inability to recall exact details of liturgy. Liturgy passes through my being even as I go through its stages. It's a rather beautiful experience when you come away with a feeling of connectedness and awareness that analysis would only spoil.
And so I experienced the 10 o'clock service at St. Thomas's Episcopal Church this morning. I won't bother to describe everything that went on, but the general impression I got was one of light, openness, and frankness. The faces I saw were pleasant, and some were even familiar.
From the sermon, I took away one reminder: "we are all becoming." What an apt reminder, as living and being in community sometimes stretches an introvert on multiple levels. What a comforting thought, as my introspection often leads to discontent!
If I laid out before you all my thoughts, you would see that they often conflict and contradict. I correct and overcorrect my own thinking patterns, and feelings become interwoven into the picture like threads on a loom. I've learned by now to accept and hold those feelings, releasing them into appropriate outlets when given the opportunity, but that doesn't mean that they aren't taxing.
Our service this morning ended with a blessing: "and may the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus our Lord."
What a familiar verse this is, one that accompanied me throughout college--but which I've lately neglected to remember. I need the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Some times of life feel more jumbled than others, and my latest transitions have pointed me to my need for even more trust and acceptance of the future and others.
On my walk back from church, a few bright flowers startled me into joy. Beauty does wonders for the soul, and in my recent days filled with dusty office and home spaces, learning about and working with families in poverty, and experiencing the culture dying in the medical field, one pop of color in a neighborhood of beautiful homes and green foliage somehow put a pause to the silent jumble within.
We are in the process of becoming....as individuals, churches, neighborhoods, and communities. New Haven is the only city in America with a decreasing crime rate, I heard the other day. We are all becoming.
In the meantime, may the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard us, both emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
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