Today is an exception, I suppose.
Thoughts come at the most unexpected times--in between bites of a carrot, I put the pieces together of an issue over which I've been puzzling for a while: what I think about the church as an institution and how it relates to my own spirituality. In consuming food, I also registered thoughts.
A week or so before finding a church home in New Haven at the Elm City Vineyard, I was at the airport watching the news about Ferguson and waiting for a connecting flight to Hartford, Connecticut. My spirit must have known that I needed to be in a community that actively addressed issues of racism, because both YDS and ECV turned out to be such places.
As an East Asian-American headed to a university that elevated my status within my demographic, it was crucial that I be aware of privileges of race. Coming from a largely Asian and white context, where black issues were often dismissed, I needed to bring racial issues to the forefront of my spiritual formation. I needed for my church home to have black leaders, and I needed to learn from black academics. I found what I needed in New Haven. Josh Williams, Julian Reid, Clarence Hardy, and Allen Reynolds will forever hold a dear place in my formation as a spiritual academic.
Seasons shift by and by, and as I look ahead to Boston and lament what happened in Orlando, I am compelled by the desire--the need--to seek a new church home that is open and affirming. Preferably with a woman as its lead pastor, too. These were things that the Elm City Vineyard did not have, and that's ok.
I'll be visiting a church in Boston on Sunday, I think. If it works out, I'd like to visit Reservoir Church, which began as a Vineyard Church but then became independent in order to be an open and affirming spiritual home for the queer community. Their leadership is very co-ed, and I need that. There are Asian women in leadership, and I've been yearning for that.
YDS and ECV were led by mostly white and black leaders, from whom I learned a lot and who I respect deeply. But I need to be led by someone who looks like me now, so it's time to move on.
Peter Hawkins, one of the professors who was on my trip to the Baltics with the Institute of Sacred Music, made a comment about my impending move: "Boston is a great place for a young Asian-American female."
New Haven was not.
I got what I needed from this season at Yale. It was important, and it's also time to move on.
I end with my Facebook status from today:
Orlando has been on my mind all week, but the lament has been too deep for words until now.
Jesus wept. Jesus weeps.
God is love. God loves.
The Spirit is moving amidst the pain, and we need to get on board.
Lord, have mercy.
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