Last night, my spiritual director encouraged me to have specific conversations with Jesus about my calling. Thoughts on the matter have been percolating for a year--these days, I remember keenly what it was like in New Haven at this time last spring--and I remember investigating ordination requirements for various denominations in my spare time.
One that resonated with my heart and mind was the United Church of Christ. They listed emotional intelligence and competence as one of the key factors for pastoral ministry. Too often, Christian denominations fixate over what we believe--to the detriment of those we serve. But there was no way I could ever enter into the world of the UCC. My family and friends would probably distance themselves from me, because they are one of the most open and affirming denominations in America.
Another denomination whose website felt good at first glance was the Evangelical Covenant Church. Their statements on women in ministry and equality of all are very important. But then I got to their position paper on human sexuality, and it was not something to which I could publicly and officially ascribe and impose on others.
When searching for a church after Yale, I googled "vineyard" and "Boston." The first search result was the home page of Reservoir Church, which detailed a 2-year discernment process that led to leaving the Vineyard in order to make more room for persons of queer identity. This was what I had been longing to explore!
I shared about this journey with some of my friends, and a few of them sent articles, books, and emails to engage me on the topic. It's funny, because all throughout my twenties, I was the one trying to convince others of the Biblical view on sexuality, and my whole family was involved in the furthering of Proposition 8 in CA. But now my theology had shifted.
A year later, I am still discerning my call to ministry. I know that I love ecumenical settings and ministering to pastoral-types through friendship and theological camaraderie. I have done this for MDiv friends at Yale and for the guy I've been involved with for the past year, a licensed minister in the Assemblies of God. I also know that in every spare moment, I think about Christian belief and its implications--and that I am a theologian at heart. I love challenging common assumptions and cultural constructions.
Scripture remains a source of life for me. I love God's word.
Lord Jesus, you have called me to the priesthood of believers, but I also long to be a minister of the Gospel. How are you preparing me for the way in which I should go?
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