Everyday, I remind myself that this New Reality of mine is wonderful but won't last.
I love being back in school, and I am so glad that the journey of my life brought me here. 11 years ago, I began college at USC, undecided about my major but determined to use my life to make a difference in the world. I was open to exploring "everything but math and science" and joyfully soaked up College in its entirety. Classes were just a fraction of what learning was. I learned new things by talking to dorm-mates and friends hailing from all over the country and the world; I learned new things by attending events and talks sponsored by various campus clubs; and I learned new things about myself by participating in some activities--and in not participating in other activities.
College gave me some of the best experiences of my life, but I can't say it prepared me for the "Real World". Part of that was my own doing. Learning practical skills that get me ahead in life has never really been my strong suit. While classmates majored in things that would help them have lucrative careers down the road, I dreamed of saving the world and living out ideals to change things I didn't like about the world. That mindset made classes relatively stress-free, for if a topic didn't seem relevant to my ideals or interests, I just didn't worry too much about it. Meanwhile, my classmates hemmed and hawed over how to navigate their workload and please their professors. At the time, I felt sorry for those living under self-imposed pressure to succeed in school so that they would later succeed in life. I just didn't see things that way.
A year or two out of college, however, I envied those same friends as I found myself having difficulty adjusting to the "Real World". I think (and have heard) this is pretty normal for college graduates. Everyone has to define themselves and to make their own path in a confusing society that pulls in many directions. While my classmates were also having struggles of their own, at least the majority of them were working at good jobs that paid well. As for me, I was living my dream of doing music therapy at a hospice in a program that I created, something I had been preparing for and wanting to do. Yet, I longed to go back to school and deeply missed the learning environment that school provides. I missed the easy socializations that centered around things I valued in life: learning, conversation, and hospitality. Socializing in my new reality seemed to consist of working, complaining, and eating out (to spend the money earned by working).
In my Southern California context, working young adults didn't really have you over to their place to talk about subjects you'd been reading or thinking about. They talked about the best restaurant deals in town and the newest place to get a smog check. They saw you as where you worked, what you did on weekends, and what you spent your money on. I knew that I would suffocate if I stayed in that environment much longer, and I looked for ways to get out.
Now that I'm finally here, back in school, I am fitting right into the lifestyle. The first day of classes was a bit of a shock to my system, and my brain felt like it would explode from the amount of knowledge and reflection required of me. But I soon bounced right into learning mode and found myself loving things by the second week of school. It almost feels like I never left school and that this is how I was meant to live my life. I worked for nearly 5 years in between USC and Yale, but those 5 years feel like nothing more than a dream.
Which is why, everyday, I have to remind myself that this New Reality of mine is wonderful but won't last.
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