It's a little overwhelming to be in such a bubble of blessing when so much suffering is happening around the world. Sure I'm here at Yale in order to grow and learn and someday contribute in a deeper way to the world around me. Having spent a few years in the helping profession getting my "hands dirty" and helping others maximize their potential and find meaning, I do truly feel that the best way for me to continue contributing to the world around me is by taking some time off from my vocation to fulfill my own intellectual potential. But I can't help feeling guilty for being at my dream school while others I know (or know of) have undergone/are going through difficult times...
A couple unjustly imprisoned abroad, unable to be reunited with family for months….
A woman of color who fought uphill battles with the administration of a Christian college and whose life ended with an uphill battle with illness…
Members of my own family who, due to upbringing, circumstances, or health issues, never got to live their dreams…
Is it selfish to soak up all that my present life has to offer, knowing that I am in an incredible place of privilege and a bubble of blessing?
Is it morbid to be constantly thinking of things that could happen that could prick (and pop) this fragile bubble of blessing and bring me toppling down from my place of privilege?
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Somehow, if we let Him, Jesus blesses those who suffer, those "with their backs agains the wall" (to quote the words of Thurman in Jesus and the Disinherited). These "Beatitudes" have proven true for me in my own times of suffering, and I want to remind myself of them in this present season of non-suffering.
I'm no theologian, but I find it rather interesting--even a bit jarring--to read this next bit immediately following the Beatitudes:
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
First, I'm being told about the hidden blessings--and the connection with God and His kingdom--that suffering brings. And then I'm being told to put myself out there and to represent God and his kingdom. I'm relatively comfortable with the idea of being "salt" that seasons food and enhances others, but to be a light upon a hill, shining before others--really?
The Divinity School happens to be located atop a Hill, and the pedigree of an Ivy League University will forever make me un-inconspicuous, I'm afraid. There is so much I want to do for the world, but so many ways in which I feel desperately inadequate--"poor". Yet, I am called to be "salt and light" for the world, even if it feels a bit presumptuous for me to consider myself as such. Who am I to offer anything to others? What am I doing here at Yale that will help me "saltify"--strengthen and sensitize--myself? What kind of light to I represent? The self-righteous kind? A snobby one? Or one that consists of good deeds and a deep respect for and awareness of poverty of spirit, grief, meekness, hunger, justice, compassion, pure motives, peace, and suffering and oppression?
At the end of the day, it's really not about me (says the person with a blog who writes about herself all the time….#irony!) So I'm going to cease fretting about that it means to be salt and light and continue identifying with those that Jesus calls blessed, comforted, and inheritors of the earth, those who are filled and shown mercy, who see God, are His children, and own His kingdom. They are the ones that matter, and their reward will be great in heaven.
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