That's how I felt last week during the Divinity School intramural soccer team's practice. I was spending time with a bunch of guys and one other girl on a Friday afternoon. We were trying to build teamwork so as to play better at the upcoming game. Our team captain gave us pointers, and people were communicating on the field. But I felt pretty disconnected.
During our scrimmage, I had been the first person to score a goal. I also tried my best to keep up with the guys' pace and play defense the way I'd been trained by my childhood soccer coaches. But at the end of the practice, I came away feeling discouraged and disheartened. I felt that as much as I communicated verbally, sometimes my teammates just didn't see me--or want to pass the ball my way. What did all these dudes studying theology have to do with the likes of me? I skipped the game, thinking that I was a dispensable member of the team.
This past week, I ran into two team members who said the team missed me at the game. (We'd lost by one point at the very last minute, during a penalty kick). When I expressed my frustrations, they encouraged me to still show up and affirmed that I am a needed and valued team member. I think I'll give soccer another chance this weekend.
Classes at Yale are in full swing now, but I am still introducing myself to new people on a weekly basis. (Meaning, people aren't content with cliquishness and are still willing to notice new faces). We have chapel every weekday, as well as lunches and dinners that bring the community together. Class discussions allow us to bounce ideas off of one another in lively and respectful ways. People are quite polite, mostly because that's the PC thing to do, I suspect, and because to fail in that regard would make one seem boorish, like the Sadducees. In case you're wondering, that's an inside joke with people in my New Testament class...
Speaking of inside jokes, aren't they the best thing ever?
Well, for the people on the "inside" they are, and it is up to them to bring "outsiders" in to the atmosphere of the joke. At lunch yesterday, I happened to run into several of my favorite people on campus, the people that bring an instant smile to my face. We ended up forming a big circle on the grass and sharing our meal together, and joking and laughter abounded. Sometimes all I'd have to do was look over at a friend and wink, and we'd know exactly what we were laughing about. As best as we could, those who were laughing explained the backstories to those out of the loop so that they could join in the merriment, and soon the circle was just bustling with fun energy.
Good community is important; it grounds an individual into a sense of purpose and a desire to play a role. Camaraderie with people within that community brings a sense of belonging and a feeling of safety--safety to be oneself, to be silly, and to make (and laugh about) mistakes with one another. In a community like YDS where people are so serious about their spiritual and intellectual pursuits, it's a huge blessing to have a small (ever-expanding, fluid, and inclusive) circle of friends with whom I have camaraderie.
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