Wednesday, February 17, 2016

A Letter to my Ex

When we broke up nearly four years ago, you wrote, saying, "Thank you for three years of laughter and tears."  You're welcome.  It was my pleasure--and my pain.  Thank you.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and that's what dating is for.  At the end of the day, if two individuals try to respect each other and the process, falling in (and out) of love with a person can transform and grow your heart.  

Toxic relationships, however--or relationships in which there is an unequal power dynamic--can cause lasting damage.  And there is far too much of that going on in the world for my comfort.  Breaking someone's heart is sometimes unavoidable, but it's another thing to wound someone's spirit or sense of self-worth.

It was honestly the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't know if anything or anyone will ever top it.  What's more--I don't think I want anything or anyone to top it.  I want it to be something special that I shared only with you and don't repeat with someone else.

The flowers.  The jewelry.  The nice restaurants.  A first date in New York City.  A second first date in San Francisco.  Taking flights to see each other.  What more could a girl want?

Life happens.  Eternity matters.  People outgrow those they date.  It's never quite happily ever after. But the "after" matters.  How we process a relationship, its end, and its consequences determines how we remember what happened and move forward.  

I have not seen you since that last day, when we had dinner at Sizzler's after boating on the lake--and got into a minor fender bender right before learning that your grandpa in China was in critical condition.  We parted without really resolving things, but time eventually does heal wounds.

When you consider marriage with someone, you consider joining your family to theirs. Your career to theirs, your calling to theirs.  Marriage is a vocation, and it must be compatible with the other vocations in your life.  Dating is a calling, too, and I have no doubt that I was called to date my ex from 2009-2012.

I'll never forget you, because dating you changed my life.

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